Hard Questions as a Vet and Parent

Posted 22Sep2018.

“Would you support your child if they said they wanted a career in the military?”

In 2015, during his annual summer visit, my 9-year-old son and I had a lunchtime conversation that would have probably piqued the interest of any eavesdroppers. We covered a wide scope of military topics:

Mongol empire…
ISIS…
Iraqi mass retreat…
Leadership…
Logistic vulnerabilities…
ELINT (electronic intelligence) …
Russia/Ukraine conflict…
Donetsk airport…

I posed the question of his long-term plan to join the military and why he would want to do such a thing. By that point in my career, I was at 19 years, jaded beyond all hope of redemption, with far too many friends listed on armyaircrews.com. I had seen leadership fail miserably, official 15-6 investigations uncover shit even I had no idea was going on, and the then-recent losses of Mosul, Tikrit, and Tal-Afar in Iraq to ISIS still stung.

His response was warming and bothersome at the same time:

“Dad, I want to join the Army… someone HAS to make it better… I’ll get a degree and I make it better…”

His statement made me proud (and still does, three years later). For him to process that which has frustrated me over the years and determine that he can be part of a solution… Well, that should make any parent proud beyond words.

At the same time, it sent chills down my back. I immediately thought of the two Gold Star mothers I am friends with on Facebook – each of them lost a son in either Afghanistan or Iraq. I read their heart-breaking posts every day, and I can almost hear the anguish in their words… especially when ISIS made such rapid gains in 2014 or when articles flippantly call for us to cut our losses and leave Afghanistan.

The “glory” of combat is an addictive myth which will seduce the unknowing into its gory embrace as long as warfare exists. From present-day video games to the classic tales of antiquity – the idea of service, action, and purpose resonates strongly and down to a fundamental level for some. With the First World War, one can have a better idea of how the concept was quickly outpaced by the quick evolution of warfare; there should be nothing “romanticized” about the horrors of Verdun, Passchendaele, or Ypres (but yet there is, somehow). War is hell on earth.

However, these are not the words of a born-again pacifist, mind you. As much as my studies and writings have really depressed the hell out of me at times, I still understand and appreciate the motivations and justifications for conflict – not every person or society is fully prepared to allow another to live in peaceful bliss. One of the more interesting quotes I have found recently comes from an interview with Hjalmar Schacht, one of the key economists of Nazi Germany:

If the military profession is honorable, it is the most self-effacing profession in the world because its duty is to prevent its use.

Schacht’s words came after the fall of Germany and during the Nuremburg Trials, but they ring true to this day…

So… back to my son and his goals…

Would I support him in going into the service? Sure. As an adult, I would not be able to prevent him from doing so, even if I didn’t support the decision. As a veteran, I would definitely try to steer him into a branch or career field which has the best civilian application for when he is done: law, intelligence, cyber, etc., but even if he wanted to be a regular 11B Infantryman or [gasp] a 15T Blackhawk Repairer (THAT I may just try to talk him out of), I would still be behind him.

Would I constantly be fearful of getting that notification? You bet. However, safety is never guaranteed with anything one chooses as a profession, and the “immortality” of youth will always win over the concrete wisdom of old age. I would rather him live a life of pride than fear, and if he has the fire burning in him to be a positive change for the better in uniform, how could I not support him?