What subjects are best to avoid when talking with Russians?

Posted 8Nov2017.

Ha.

The things I won’t talk with my wife about:

[redacted]

Questions on Quora which involve her.

[redacted]

On a serious note… when we were dating, a couple friends met up with us at the local cigar bar and were chatting about whatever it is folks chat about while enjoying a few good Scotches. All was going well, until the following statement issued forth from one of my wonderful aviation comrades (U.S. Army, just to avoid any confusion… :)):

“…Well, the Second World War would have been lost if it weren’t for us beating Germany…”

I was leaning back in my chair, relaxed and happy to my then-girlfriend’s right side and immediately leaned back farther, frantically making the “NO! NO! CUT IT OUT!” finger-across-the-throat gesture as she leaned forward.

“EXCUSE me?” There is a method of speaking all women have mastered where the smile is both polite and hostile at the same time. It is an international tone, implying the emotional equivalent of “FIX BAYONETS!”

The speaker-turned-victim had seen my wild gestures and paused. The guy next to him had seen it as well, but was wisely leaning away under the guise of looking for a waitress to either ask for another drink or to summon the UN to help prevent the atrocities which were inevitable.

“Ummm… Uh….” There was no way to salvage the situation, and no good reason to – he had made this flaming shit-pile of a conversation piece… now he had to nestle in for the night.

Her 40-minute history lesson which followed was punctuated by finger-jabs into the metal mesh surface of the table which threatened to upend our drinks, a low-frequency growl of battles, statistics, and profanity which threatened to upend his soul, and a finale which resulted in his best baleful and apologetic expression as he profusely apologized, blaming the “bullshit Capitalist excuse for education.” Ok, the last part is an exaggeration, but she went off and it was forever remembered as “stupid thing to discuss with a Russian.”